YL’s Experience with Bipolar Disorder

I am YL and I have bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a mental health disorder where a person has an emotional differences one goes from happy to sad and sad back to happy and anywhere in between. A person with bipolar disorder can even go to an extreme elated and happy mood and back to a depression depending what time of bipolar disorder and the person can also be anywhere in between. I am personally identified with bipolar type I or I go from extreme happiness to sadness or the opposite way around.

I first suspected something was wrong even before I was identified with Bipolar Disorder when I was nine years old and I was eating an artificial fruit roll up. I told my mother and my friend that same day I feel hyper and not like myself. I personally do not handle artificially coloring well. I also have a hard time sitting still. I was at first at eleven years old misidentified as Attention deficient hyper active disorder. Attention deficient hyper active disorder is when a child over the age of nine years old has a hard time paying attention and sitting still in the class room. I was consequently put on Retalian a medicine that made me hyper and has a harder time concentrating.

Two years later at 13 years old I was indented by a doctor at Kaiser with Bipolar after seeing her for four times. I was happy to sad and sad back to happy one time too many and at the time I had the guy who liked me give me hell since I would not date him. My mother gave an example of my maniac experiences that I could have been a ballerina and she is the one who stopped me. I have not had the years of ballet training I do have know. I was a complete beginner in ballet at the time.

Over the years I continued my ballet and, I have an artistic temperament which is common in people with mental health problems. My mental health problem is bipolar so I also have a depression cycle when I start to feel sad especially on my period. My bipolar was triggered with hormones from my first period. Most mental health disorders are in ones body and become apparent based off a bad experiences or a traumatic event.

My mental health problem made it harder for me to concrete in public school and I started acting out with the guy who liked me in my class. I did not like this guy back so I was sent to a Therapeutic School in California. A therapeutic school is for children and teenagers who do not fit in their regular public school. The therapeutic school has many different levels ranging from a ten which is a regular public school and as the levels increase until a level eighteen which is the equivalent to a chain gang and beyond juvenile hall in structure, Juvenile Hall is or a children and teenagers prison is considered a level 16. The higher the level the more structure there are for mental health clients.

I personally was sent to a level 12 in California for day treatment. Day treatment is where one is in the school for the day and go back home to one parents at night. My school district paid the bill for the private school since the public school did not have the services required to handle me. I remember seeing the private school for the first time and I saw it was calm and relaxing setting.

During the beginning I was quite and shy and very well behaved. The staff and teacher had a hard time pin pointing my disorder. I also had a hard time explained my disorder back than was quite most of the time. I observed my surrounding and later on would learn insight into my disorder which I have today. I found the in sight my learning too much sugar gives me an icy cold feeling before I get hyper than I have to down a lot of water to flush out my system so I would not get hyper. Once hyper I would have to exercise off my hyperness by walking nonstop. I would learn from the school copping strategies for my disorder which I still use to this very day.

The coping strategies I learned were therapeutic exercise such as a space walk to clear my thoughts. I also learned to avoid and be no confrontational with people I did not like and learned how to let go and start a new. I also learned how to ignore annoying people. Everyone is sent to therapeutic school for a reason and in mine was especially for students with mental health clients who could not behave in a regular public school.

When I first arrived at the school I had no clue about my diagnosis and I would gradually learn a lot of insight of my disorder. The school I attended in California has been formed for young adults from the ages of eleven to eighteen though under California law a child can stay in a special needs school until they are twenty one years old. I remember at thirteen years old I was in denial about my disorder I thought nothing was wrong with me and I was fine the way I was and did not like the side effect of the medicines the children’s psychiatrist put me on.

I first started seeing a psychiatrist at Kaiser which is a private insurance at thirteen years old. The psychiatrist at first was very rude and mean but later on we would build quite a good relationship with my first psychiatrist. I had no clue what my disorder was until I reached 14 years old at my special school for mental health. I started learning my insight to my disorder at 14 years old from my mother and with the help of my psychologist and psychiatrist. I learned that sometimes my thoughts were confused and unclear at my worst especially when I feverish and physically do not feel well. I also

learned that I go from manic or hyper on top of the world to depression or feeling sad and sleeping all the time or the other way around.

My bipolar was triggered by my menstrual cycle or on the set of my period by hormones. I go all hyper on too much sugar, caffeine, and most especially artificial coloring and ginseng, Ginseng an herbal medicine is a stimulant that makes me particularly high. The other end of the spectrum for me with depression I feel particularly sad when I drink alcoholic beverages which make me sadder and feel depressed and make me sleep.

I could identify my manic side even as a child, I learned as an adult around 21 years old how to identify my depression cycle I would feel very sad and feel as though I could not accomplish anything. I would feel so sad that I could not even get out of bed some days.

I suffer from bipolar disorder or an emotional disorder some days I would feel happy other days sad and any where in between. Back to when I was 14 to 16 years old I learned to accept the fact that I had bipolar disorder or a mental health

issue I learned to accept the stigmatism of not being a normal person. After all normal is boring who wants to be normal since we all of us have our strengths and weaknesses. I also learned to identify when I am hyper and when I am depressed.

My hyperness and depression is managed with a psychotropic medicine. I had to try quite a few medicines before finding the right one getting the side effects from weight gain to diarrhea and every allergic symptom in the book on the wrong medicine. A piece of advice from my personal experience with a mental health issue is do not give up after one wrong medicine keep trying one will eventually find the right medicine for them. My correct medicine happens to be Abilify which helps to control my mood and keeps me stable with a combination of Hydroxzine when I am too anxious. Most people will eventually find the right medicine for their mental health issue.

My mental health issue is bipolar and I learned to cope with my issues with the support of medicine, my friends with my disorder, psychiatrist, and psychologist. I am also very lucky to have the support of my family such as my mother and sister.

Unfortunately though my dad has more empathy to me these days, but, he still does not really understand my disorder or when I need him most. I am lucky to have so much help from so many people with my disorder and I hope other people can have a smooth recovery too and I am till this very day dreading the day I become unstable again. Mental health issues are a life long battle we must take one day at a time hopping for stability.